Hi Ladies! I am so happy to be here. I have been invited by Angelina to join you on this journey of health. I have been following you all for the last month or so, and have been counting my points (doing Weight Watchers) and weighing myself weekly. Coming by and seeing how you all are doing is very motivating and feels like the weigh in at WW (which is not in our budget right now). So, anyway,I am glad to finally be officially joining you.
A little background...I live in the same town as Angelina and met her when I needed to get an apron for the farmer's market booth I was running for my husband's place of work. They sell berries. We moved here in April of 2006 and in May of 2006 I found out that our pregnancy was not viable. At 11 weeks I miscarried. I gained twenty pounds during this first trimester. I met Angelina shortly after this time. Her friendship was extremely valuable to me (and of course still is!) However I spent most of the summer VERY depressed. Then in September 2006 we got pregnant with our little boy, born in May 2007. I loved being pregnant, despite the discomfort. I really felt fulfilled. And I ate like it too! One day I ate a huge piece of cake for breakfast and another for lunch, and my thighs will not let me forget it.
So, four weeks ago I started at 158 lbs ( I am only 5' 2"). This is the heaviest weight I have been, ever, not including the obvious baby weigh and water retention from pregnancy. If you go from that highest number, I was 192 in May( see above photo). Wow, I have never said that out loud!
I went through a similar process in the spring of 2005 when I gained 18 pounds during graduate school. I used Weight Watchers and lots of exercise and went from 150 to 124 in 6 months.
I quickly lost 30 pounds in about two months, and spent the last six months stuck at or slightly above 160, before that the weight was coming off on it's own. So I was actually pretty happy to be starting below at 158. I am now at 152.5. That's right 5.5 lbs and one dress size down! I am excited to see that the scale is almost below 150!
I realized a few days ago that I am almost at the weight I was before getting pregnant the second time. I was 148 after the miscarriage. I then wondered if my brain was unconsciously keeping me at 160. After the miscarriage I felt as if the weight was the only memory I had of this potential being. My body had actually started to reabsorb the fetus, so I think I was holding onto that weight as the last memory. I was still secretly mourning the loss of that baby until about Christmas (coincidentally the baby would have been born in December), when one day I just got this feeling over me that if that child would have made it, Truitt wouldn't be here. And he is just about perfect. After I had the miscarriage I told myself the phrase" God never gives us more than we can handle" because the fetus didn't have a heart or a brain. It would have been a very traumatic pregnancy and/ or birth if it had continued much longer than it did. This worked for me at the time. But this new feeling was different. I don't know how spiritual you all are out there, but I really felt a spirit saying it was okay to let go, that Truitt needed to be here now, so the other child had to say goodbye. I named the baby and found a special box to put all her memories in. I want to decorate the box and give it a place of honor. But I haven't done that yet. That I guess is the final piece. I have some fear about it because I think people will think I am weird. I think my friends and family don't want to think about the miscarriage or don't think it's a big deal and overall just don't understand. But after writing it out here, I know it is the final piece.
So my personal goals are:
Get to 128 lbs or size 4 (pre-pregnancy size) by July
Be strong and toned
Audition for local production of "Chicago" in August
Create a place of honor for loss (Philosophical question: Do you think this idea could be carried over into other areas of loss in life? Maybe our disappointments should be just as honored as our triumphs?)
Looking forward to getting to know you all better,
Dominique
7 comments:
Hi Dominique! Neighbor indeed, I'm only about four blocks from you! We met at Dustpan Alley one time and I think I see you walking your cute Corgi from time to time.
I think it is a beautiful idea to create a memory box for your lost baby. Miscarriage can be so devastating. I don't think everyone fully comprehends that. I don't think it is weird at all to remember and honor that loss.
Welcome to the group although you have the least fattest ass here, it seems. :)
welcome!
you know, i love the idea that our losses should be honored just as our triumphs are. it's our losses that motivate us and make us who we are.
I agree about honoring your losses. I don't think miscarriage is a little thing at all. I'm glad to hear you're finding your way to letting the little spirit go, though, because while I think miscarriage can be very devastating, I also think that once we mourn someone for a while the healthiest thing we can do is to let ourselves move on. You will never forget your loss, but it's important not to let the losses in our lives be more important than the things we've gained and achieved.
I really like the idea of a box to put the memory of loss in. It's entirely possible that I should do that for myself as well.
I'm so happy you're joining us here!
Welcome! I'm so glad you're here to share with all of us!
Thank you all for your encouragement. I have felt so purged since my entry last night. I really needed to share my feelings. I am so glad to be here!
Oh and yes Lisa, I remember you and your charming and beautiful girls! Hope to see you soon!
Glad you're aboard!
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