Mustard Lentil Salad Recipe
As Requested

Except that I put it on my regular blog so I'm going to direct you to that post:

Mustard Lentil Salad Recipe

Not Picking Myself To Death

So how did I fare this past week. I gained back the pound I lost initially but I've decided that I'm not going to be depressed. The way I look at it is that this is a never ending quest to make better choices for myself. There's no easy path and I have the choice to choose healthy actions a hundred times a day. I believe that it's cumulative. So maybe the progress is slow but I haven't entirely let myself down:

• I've been making lower fat food in general so that there's more healthy foods on hand to choose from.

• I did manage to drink less.

• I did get some exercise (not much, but why pick myself to death over it?)

• I've been getting more of my house into a state of order. The process is slow and tedious but it's looking generally more well cared for here in the house than it was before.

• I've been getting a little more sleep.

• I only ate sweets once this week. (Down from, oh, five!!!)

• I've been eating less cheese and bread, more vegetables.

This week: more exercise. Try for at least 20 minutes a day. (Today I walked the dog). No snacking after 6pm. More cooking food ahead of time.

I am going to ride my bike to work today in the rain so I'd better eat some soup and get ready.

Aiming For Better

Last week was not a bust. It didn't exactly shine either. Three days out of seven is all I managed to keep within my goals. I will do better this week. I want to do really well. I want, most of all, to make myself proud. I worked hard in all other ways but not hard enough for my most personal goals.

Every day is a chance for a fresh start. So I started fresh by having a great mostly egg white omelet and then visited someone who fed me zucchini bread and chai tea. Dang it. At least the bread was made with wheat. Not too sweet either.

Today I will bicycle to work.

My head is floating with things that belong on to-do lists. I am doing too much. Every time I open my mouth I am volunteering myself for more. And more. I seem incapable of keeping my damn mouth shut. I just agreed to teach two people to sew. Because I want to be useful and nice and agreeable. Not because I need the extra $20 a week. Though obviously money isn't in abundance here. But neither is time.

I AM DOING TOO MUCH.

Here's my list of very pressing things to do:

Write up the first plant profile for Angela
Make Halloween costume for Max
Make wholesome food to eat
Get exercise
Clean a little (a lot)
Send Etsy orders out or ruin reputation
Make cookies for Max's dessert (so his dessert won't come from package)
Vote
Process photos for freelance job
Start sending reminder e-mails for job #1
Pay bills
Finish building garden beds

Oh my god. IT IS TOO MUCH.

Because I haven't even started the writing for the magazine. I really need and want to do the magazine. It is personally important. Why do I never have time for it?

One step at a time. That's the only way. Right? Right.

Good pep talk self. Start with packages to send and then make some food because you will feel lousy if there is nothing decent to eat already made (like that excellent soup!) and you will eat a pound of Tillamook. I'm already wearing a whole hell of a lot of Tillamook around my waist.

I've come to a realization that I need to embrace. I don't like getting my exercise with other beings. Not with friends (I'd rather sit and talk with them over coffee) and not with my dog. I love walking. Always have. Walking feels great. Better than riding my bicycle. But I don't like doing it with others. I don't like having a work out buddy. Meeting Chelsea at the gym was great because we'd meet up, seeing her was inspiring, but then we'd put our headphones on and work out alone. I like listening to music while I walk or do any kind of work out. Or I like to listen to nothing and no one. Just the sounds around me. The sound of my breathing. (Trying not to sound like a ballet-dancing chain-smoking hippopotomus).

I feel guilty walking without the dog. The dog needs exercise too. Everyone is always saying walking a dog is great because you get your exercise and the dog gets her exercise. But we have different paces and she has to be tightly leashed or she pulls.

Walking, for me, has always felt like freedom. I want that feeling again. So maybe I should walk to work instead of bicycling. I will like it better I think.

Alright. Here we are. Time to go get something done off of my list, huh?

Not Too Shabby

Three out of four days this week (so far) I have managed to stay within my calorie goal. Wednesday was a bust. We spent all afternoon in the doctor's office with Max and when we got out at 6pm I knew I wouldn't have the energy to cook and I felt like going out. I never go out sensibly. Going out has always meant eating what I want and that's a hard habit to break.

Tuesday I only consumed 1740 calories, well under my goal and yesterday I consumed 2106 calories, not excitingly good but still under my goal. That's what counts. I lost close to another pound, but not quite.

I did manage to walk the dog on Tuesday so I got some exercise. But not since. Boo.

One thing that's great about counting the calories is that I tend to eat more balanced food because I don't want to have to add a pound of cheese to the count. So yesterday I ate my favorite egg scramble with spinach and only a little bit of cheese and one piece of toast. It's really large and filling but I only use the egg whites from two eggs and one whole egg. Then for dinner I had a big bowl of chickpea soup with toast and some grapes.

Today I have lentil salad which is a favorite of mine for when I'm trying to eat more mindfully. It is so healthy and low calorie but the best part is that it tastes fantastic. Breakfast is often a problem for me though. I either like to have a big one or to skip it.

Here's to another day of mindful eating and not adding to my girth!

1 pound down, only 72 more to go.

Yesterday I consumed a total of 1794 calories. So that was well under my daily goal. A) it wasn't all that difficult and B) the results of counting are always immediate.

I am 1 lb down from yesterday. Usually the first few days I count and keep within my goals I lose quite a lot (4-5 pounds). It tapers off then and becomes more gradual as I hit my stride.

If anyone comes here and tells me not to be too hard on myself I will probably be mean to them. I have been all to generous, easy-going, and lazy with myself for years which is how I got in this fat situation in the first place. Messages from any one to "take it easy" would be counter productive. Right now what I need to build back is my self discipline. That's no easy task. What's easy to do is say "Aw, I don't feel like walking today, I'll do it tomorrow..." which doesn't happen tomorrow because I'm in the habit of letting myself off the hook for a multitude of reasons.

I've done this before and the only way I made progress was to count the damn calories and get the effing exercise. That's it. That's how it works. It's not alright to say "I won't worry about it today and I'll eat what I want and drink what I want..." because tomorrow I will regret my self indulgence. When I finally lost weight after having the kiddo it wasn't through extreme measures. I may like to talk about extreme things but that isn't usually my approach. I did it just like I'm doing it now. Ease calorie allotment down from whatever high point it's at to a more reasonable number.

People often think it isn't dieting if you let yourself consume more than 1800 a day. I figure that with the healthy average intake being around 2000 per day if I can maintain a diet with a 2300 a day allowance then I will lose weight if it's currently well over 3,000. So, not extreme. This time I have to be so much more careful with the exercising. I will start by just walking the dog in the hazelnut orchard. It's twenty minutes of brisk walking. I'm not allowed to run (though I dearly want to which is funny to say). That's a start. I feel pain in my hip after even 20 minutes of brisk walking. If I'm too aggressive I will put my back out or make my hip hurt so much I won't be able to take walks again for days.

Next thing is to have Philip fix the flat tire on the bicycle. I was going to ride it with Max the other day when I found the flat back tire. I would like to use my bicycle to do the grocery shopping.

I had a big bowl of chickpea vegetable soup with toast and butter for breakfast. It's cold out and it's just so damn good! The soup is so low calorie (I am going to do the official work up on it today) that I can afford toast with butter. Very balanced meal with the grain, legumes, sprinkling of Parmesan cheese, and tons of vegetables.

Today I will make some lentil salad too. A great standby for the calorie counting. Beet salad would also be great.

Planning ahead is essential.

Anyone who happens to stop by here, friends or new people, don't expect great writing. This is my dump place for all the details and crap concerning the whole fat thing. You're welcome to come or come back here but I'm kind of talking to myself. You can join me anytime you want so long as you know that I am not trying to win a Pulitzer prize with this blog.

OK, time to go and walk the dog.

Note To Self

I have just weighed myself after months of not weighing myself. Months of eating too much, staying up too late, and being completely immersed in a thick blanket of inertia. The result? I gained weight. Every time I do this I have more to lose. More hard work ahead of me.

When I was getting my hair cut the other day I looked like my Grandfather. I have never looked like him before but the rounder my face is the sharper my nose looks. The double chin and jutting belly are not attractive features.

I'm starting over. Now I have an income I don't need to freak out every day over how we're going to pull through. Yeah, life is still messy, and some bills will just have to be paid late until I start getting my paychecks...but the fact that paychecks are coming in is pretty great. The fact that I love my headline editing job is awesome. So no more excuses. I'm going back to the classic tried and true calorie counting.

Otherwise I'm going to look like Alfred Hitchcock.

I would so much rather look like Lauren Bacall. Or Isabella Rossellini. Or if I have to age like a man, let it be like Cary Grant.

So. Here we are again. Fat and miserable about being fat.

Weight: 238 lbs
Goal Weight: 165 lbs
Starting calorie goal: 2300 per day.

That's generous but, believe me, way less than I am consuming now. Here's a hint you old bag- make more Indian food and food like the Thai squash soup. Go look up a recipe for curried cauliflower and potatos right now. When I've made progress and find myself stalling I'll lower the daily intake.

So, just to write it down and have a look at it...I need to lose 73 lbs.

73

Is This Mike Hot?

Hello? Hello? Is this thing still up and running?

Well ladies, I am home from the Chicago auditions! It was so fun, hard, but fun, and now my hopes are flying as high as can be but we won't know until Wednesday if we made it. There were a lot of AMAZING dancers and singers! Despite my okay singing audition, they did ask me and five others to stay after for a harder dance audition. I am so honored that I was even in that group. I hope that means I have a spot, but I know I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch!

So I didn't get down to a size four, but I am at a solid size eight, wearing all my clothes from before I had Truitt. I am feeling really good about my body, especially after tonight. I wasn't sure I could still move like that! I can feel myself getting stronger physically and emotionally, and who knows if I make this musical, maybe I will lose some more weight from all the dancing! There are some areas I like more then others, but I think the whole package is pretty good.

If I don't make it in the musical, I am going to make sure and sign up for some dance classes, because I feel sooo good right now! I am sure to be sooo sore tomorrow, but I am so happy right now! I have wanted to be in a musical since I was a kid, but I was extremely shy as a kid, then my voice didn't have enough maturity as a teen, but maybe now I will finally do it! I know it's just community theater, but for me it feels wonderful!